Monumental

Time is like sand anymore. Really. I'm not just saying that.

Over the last weeks so much of life has changed, or promises to change rather, and so we wait to begin again in days that are slipping by. Big things hang over our heads, big things have come seamlessly together. This strange season of holding on, yet yearning to get started, is so beautiful and hard and annoying and grand.

Turns out it's also monumental.

This photo of Hope at her preschool program makes me laugh. What you can't see from that little angelic face was the fact that she had been partying with her Nana all week, late to bed and early to rise. You know, just to make sure Nana had not skipped out of town a moment too soon. Joe and I cracked up as Hope bopped between singing with much gusto the most perfect of o-shaped notes and yawning her head off. At one point she actually had to bend over and rest her weary little legs. She wiped her nose no less than 500 times, chewed on her dress's sweet bow, and at another point could no longer ignore the bug bite on her back. That was grand finale time as she both got a good scratch in and flashed her Dora undies for the crowd to see. Rare form, to be sure, but typical preschooler and quite hilarious.

But this picture captures more how I'm grinning from my inside out. Mostly because of that verse behind her.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." ~Luke 18:16

I said monumental because this verse came together with a Starbucks parking lot to give me one of the most precious, life changing moments as a parent of this amazing child.

Back in the fall, when things became unexpectedly tight, Joe and I wondered if we should cut preschool for Hope. I knew I could continue homeschooling, but something stopped us. We really felt like Hope was supposed to be there and I could not shake it. My best friend, upon hearing my heart, offered to help pay for her to go! We never did have to accept, but it further confirmed the Holy Spirit's gentle nudging. I remember saying, "I really think God has something great for Hope there, and she just has to go. We'll make it work."

Throughout the year I have been so impressed with the curriculum, with the depth of how they help the children understand faith. Hope has been a sponge, absorbing and questioning so much that I began to wonder if maybe I should have gone on to seminary after all.

In the last several weeks the questions became more numerous, especially after we purchased her preschool CD that showcases all the great scripture based songs they've been learning all year. Many times Hope talked about Heaven; we would respond that as she grew and understood more she would someday have a choice to make when her heart was ready.

That brings me back to Starbucks.

Thanks to a gift from my Mom, I went through the drive-thru and then pulled over to nurse Alysse while the big girls sat content in the back. We were listening to the school CD again and out of nowhere Hope declares, "I WANT to go to Heaven!" I could tell this time was different, there was an urgency to her tone that struck me deeply.

I asked her what she meant and she repeated, "I WANT to go to Heaven!" We began talking about what this meant and affirming what she believed. In mere moments she wanted to pray the prayer of salvation! My typically shy one in such a thing as this would likely say something to the effect of, "You pray for me Mommy!" But no. Not this time.

She repeated after me with confidence. Oh the privlege to be the one who God would allow to be there, to pray with her! I am so proud and so humbled at His work in her life. Almost every night since our girls were born we have prayed the same prayer, "Lord, please help them to know You at an early age and to walk with You all the days of their life."

We are so grateful that He answered and trust that He will continue that answer as Hope grows and her "yes" gets bigger and deeper.

The next week at preschool Hope's wonderful director shared with her friends about her decision and it was so neat to hear the other boys and girls wonder and question and share about Jesus in their hearts. It is easy to say, "But they're too young! How can this be so?!"

That's when Jesus showed me my yawning, scratching, bending, deep thinking, big questioning, beautiful four year-old and reminded me of His words... do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.

We marked this occasion over breakfast for dinner by candlelight. Then we recorded it in the family Bible Joe and I received way back when we said, "I do." Again I was struck pretty deeply.

Things do not happen by accident, there is a purpose to the waiting. There is a purpose to the trusting, to the yearning. There is purpose for all of us. Each and every one of us is where we are for a reason, no matter how big or small we are. No matter how big or small we feel.
And that is pretty monumental, indeed.
~Katrina