Surprises

Joe and I dig a good surprise.

Just the other weekend we excitedly let a friend use our home for her husband's surprise party. One of Joe's favorite birthday celebrations to date was a surprise back in his old stomping grounds at UVA. And waiting to find out who we were having fifteen months ago turned out to be one of the most amazing things I never thought I'd want to do.

Don't even get me started on the news of this our latest miracle. We'll just leave it at... SURPRISE! Joyful, sweet, took every pregnancy test in the house surprise.

But there are other kinds of surprises too. The kind that comes with a middle of the night phone call or unexpected visitor at your door. The kind that renders you speechless and makes the moment you're in seem like it can't possibly be happening. The kind that blind sides you on an ordinary Tuesday afternoon and changes your life forever.

When I read this heart and attitude altering post I couldn't help but utter my own, "Yes, Lord." Though I admit it came after my own version of, "Yes, Lord, I believe it. But, you know, there have been difficulties the last two times and I'm just now recovering my health from the past year. But, I mean, what if something else happens but with a worse outcome this time?"

But, but, but...

It's true. Hope's pregnancy was just that... full of hope that it would ever even end in a baby. It is no coincidence that after months of hemorrhaging, sickness, bed rest, and ultimately a breech baby girl who would not turn that the Lord awoke me a couple nights before her birth with her name. No coincidence that after my being stitched together our matter-of-fact, but caring doctor looked at me and said, "You know, I can tell you this now Katrina. I just never thought we'd see her birthday." Basically, he didn't see that there was much hope to be had.

And, it's true. After months and months of endless research and prayer we decided on what we felt was the best birth option for Maddie. Her labor and entrance into this world were worth every bit of the worry and effort. A beautiful blur of holy and peaceful. Then came the after, the after that has cut to the core of my heart. The after that has made me cling to Jesus, to Joe, to promises... at times so feebly I could hardly believe myself. The after that tried to steal my very life and, worse yet, the very hope that walks with me every day.

What does this mean for the new angel that has been entrusted to us?

But, but, but...

You see, the story does not end there. It does not end at a hopeless situation, and it does not end at a shocking after experience. In fact, it does not end at all.

It continues in Truth and strength, hope and peace. The kind that can really only come from having weathered storms along the way.

The very fiber my story is made of whispers to me, "Take up your mat and walk, Katrina. I will not leave you nor forsake you. I am with you always, even until the end!"

So tonight, I know some of you may find yourself in places. Places of seemingly endless waiting, places of hoping for the best against all rational hope, places of all consuming fear. I may not have walked in your exact shoes, but I have traveled my own road. Know that I am praying for you and the place that you find yourself, whether I can fully understand it or not.

Our stories are not over yet. No matter the circumstances that come our way, there is One who whispers that He has walked His own road too. He knows joy and suffering so completely; He calms storms simply by saying the words, "Peace be still." He is One who does completely understand.

And we can take the added comfort that we are no surprise to Him.